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The first in a series of series of analects. To make the transition more comfortable, the digital text will initially appear similar to text encountered previously by readers in everyday life. The transformation should be gradual and undisruptive to the target audience. They should feel that, while odd, the words are identifiably procyon in origin and might very well have appeared in a book or magazine. Any unpleasant symptoms or signs of distress should be reported to the administrator. Thank you for your participation.

01

Avatar Man: "We must protect the space doubloons"

02

I hope my brain decides I deserve paragraphs again soon

03

I disabled the snooze button on my alarm because it's too tempting to just hit it over and over. So now when I want to snooze, I have to manually re-set the alarm time for 10 minutes in the future. Usually I'm too sleepy to do this properly and it doesn't go off again at all, and I oversleep. It's called self-discipline, people

04

If you disagree with any of the conclusions I've drawn, here's a piece of information you should consider: I'm wearing a deerstalker hat. Believe whatever you want, but don't forget about the hat

05-06

[entries missing]

07

Free grocery store called the Circle A

08

The real friends are the treasure I found along the way

09

Hierarchical ordering is the earliest known rhizome of all evil

10

[entry missing]

11

Pronouncing "garden gnomes" like anemones

12

[entry destroyed]

13

Any haunted house worth its salt should be equipped with a screamdeck

14

Eating with loud "om nom nom" sounds is not an endorsement

15-16

[entries missing]

17

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18

Oh, now they're saying I'm in a "doomsday cult?" Look buddy, the only doomsday group I belong to is the SHCO, Society for Humanity's Comprehensive Obliteration. If you're gonna call that a cult, then sure, I'm in a cult 🙄