a rickety bridge of impossible crossing

You approach the microwave. It's a mimic! It fires a nuclear hotdog at you. You take 21 damage

glug, glug, glug... ahhhhhh. That's the bold, refreshing taste of new #GarbageDigest Lite. All the bubbly, narcotizing flavor you remember, only 01 08 calories. With eleven essential oils and vitamins, #GDL goes down smooth with no chalky aftertaste. Allergen statement: this blog contains allergens.

euphemisms

Yeah, my central processing unit may not be that powerful... but I make up for it with my secondary and tertiary processing units **flex** 💪 🤳

Am I talkin' about my wiener? I dunno, tough guy, you tell me 😏

how to beat the house at blackjack, every time

If you have an ace, 10 or face card showing, say you have blackjack. If you have anything else, ask the dealer for another card. Continue until you have enough cards showing that your total could plausibly add up to 21. When the dealer asks to see your secret card, say you're unable to reveal it because of a religious prohibition. You can obtain an exemption card signed by an ordained minister1 from our online reliquary for a relatively small donation.

Introducing the Sterazoro

They said it couldn't be done, but we did it: the world's first 8-bladed disposable razor. How did we cram so many blades into such a tiny space? Simple: Half-width blades!

Their razor:

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Our razor:

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Q&A

Q: is this better?

A: you rube. You poor, ignorant turnipseed. Of course it's better. It's more

charisma

I don't think it's fair how in D&D, when I make a persuasion check, I have to actually think of a lie for my character to tell. That's my character's job, I'm not the one with the fuckin stat. When I make an acrobatics check, the DM doesn't make me prove I can actually walk a tightrope in real life

follow the money

My microwave won't even let me start the timer if the door's still open. What if I want to know how long it takes to clean my microwave, huh? What then, Kenmore? Why don't you want me to know how hard your microwave is to clean? What are you hiding? Could it be... radiation-hardened grime?!

Don't you try to tell me that's not what "radiation hardened" means. I know what radiation is, I know what hard means, I can do the math. I'm not one of those suckers who'll just smile and nod when Big Microwave tries to convince me 2+2=5.

Come to think of it, just how small are these waves? There's literally no way to know for ourselves, we just have to take their word for it. Can you say "conflict of interest"? 🦝


  1. (me)↩

#GarbageDigest