Critters and gentlefolk of the jury, I'd like you to turn your attention to the document labeled "Exhibit A". What you see is the only remaining copy of the publication known as #GarbageDigest, specifically volume 01 issue 15, the issue published on July 29, 2022. Before court is adjourned, I will have proven beyond a reasonable doubt that my client could not possibly have been responsible for the high crimes and misdemeanors committed on that day. I don't know who burned down that museum, and I can't speculate with regards to how the jaguars got into Buckingham Palace, nor can I offer any satisfactory explanation for why the security camera footage cuts to a feed of my client dancing just before the swarm of bees was released, but one thing is abundantly clear: my client is absolutely, 100% guilty of every charge levied against them by the state. Not guilty. Did I say guilty? I meant not guilty.

This blog does not form an attorney/client relationship; never take legal advice from a blog.

bureaucracy

You think you've had it rough? I've had to jump through so many hurdles you wouldn't believe it. Have you ever jumped through a hurdle? That's not how they're supposed to work. It's not good for the ol' solar plexus, let me tell you.

theft and battery

EV range isn't as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be. When your car runs out of electricity, just pull to the side of the road and stand there with jumper cables. By the time whoever stops to help realizes you've siphoned away all their battery juice, you'll be halfway to Tijuana, ready to start a new life.

idea: binary people collectible trading cards

With all their vital binary statistics, such as: gender, handedness, hair color (dark or blonde), blood type (AB+ or miscellaneous), chirality, Yankees or Red Sox, hot or not, endianness, politics (yes or no), parity, flammability, etc

computer corner

"Universal Cereal Bus" sounds like something a bunch of sweetened-corn-puff-chomping white guys who wear hats and blow bubbles would've driven around the country in, circa 1964

Gnarls Barkley

No, that's the joke. It's like "Charles Barkley", but if he were gnarly.

...wait, really? By who? In 2006? I don't remember that. Number one for how many weeks?? Shit. I knew I should've said Gnarls de Gaulle 🦝