a rickety bridge of impossible crossing


Sup youtube, it's time for Soupernauts, the lightning-fast soup review show where we aim to answer one simple question: Is it souper? Or is it not?

1. Tomato

Wow, one thing? How boring is that? If I wanted one thing, I'd just eat the thing. Yawnsville

Rating: NOT!

2. Vegetable

Too vague. Suspiciously vague. Imagine I offered you a bowl of meat soup. "What kind of meat?" The best kind. They're definitely good meats, trust me

Rating: NOT!

3. Lobster bisque

Is bisque soup? Lobster bisque is so good that I don't care.

Rating: Souper!

4. Brunswick stew

I know this isn't soup; it's got "stew" right in the name.

Rating: D/Q

5. Chicken noodle

Hell yeah, that's how you do it. You got your chicken, and you got your noodles. Two things, now that's a soup.

Rating: Souper!

6. Cream of mushroom

Eyebrows raised. That "of" is doing a lot of heavy lifting. If this soup is made of mushroom cream, how come I've never seen a carton of it for sale? I don't think mushrooms are even mammals.

Rating: NOT!

7. Spaghetti-Os

Heck yeah! Spaghetti-Os!

Rating: Heck yeah!

8. Ramen

Instant ramen good. Real ramen great. Eat it in a bowl. Eat it on a plate. That's not true. Put it in a bowl. Don't use a plate. Sorry for the troll.1

Rating: Souper!

9. Phở

It's phởntastic~

Rating: Souper!

10. Cockchafer Soup


Cockchafer soup is a European dish made from the cockchafer insect [CW: photo of bug]

oh no

Rating: oh no

11. Chicken and stars

It's the same as chicken noodle soup. Do you think I'm some kinda rube? I have nothing else to say about this.

Rating: NOT!

12. Bœuf à la Bourguignonne

Anything this hard to spell and pronounce has got to be good.

Rating: Souper!

And finally, rounding us out to a baker's dozen, that great American classic, it's...

13. Tomato soup with goldfish crackers

This. This is where the magic happens.

Rating: Souper!

Oh look, that's all the time we have for today somehow. I don't know why. This is the internet. I could keep going as long asSMASH CUT

Please join me for the next episode as soon as I think of a dozen or so more kinds of soup 🦝

  1. For this joke, try to imagine you're watching someone actually say it aloud in a youtube video, instead of just seeing it written down like this. Wouldn't that be weird?